Letters

I don’t consider myself to be a blogger.  Sure.  This is technically a blog but the thing is that I don’t really care how many hits I have nor do I attempt to build my readership.  I don’t even have Google Analytics.  I think of this more as an online journal where I share thoughts with people I already know.  Sort of like mass conversation and idea sharing.  I don’t get to spend as much time as I would like having deep conversations with all of my friends so this is a way of doing that even when we can’t get together in person.

That said, yesterday I posted a sort of year-end recap.  My dear friend, Miz Chartreuse texted me asking if I was participating in the 30-day Challenge.  I didn’t even really know what that was.  I Googled it and ironically, my post was the topic for December 1^st.  Apparently there are various 30-day challenges, two of which the lovely Miz Chartreuse is participating in on her Tumblr and her own website, the first being more personal and a sort of gratitude journal.  The second is really intended for serious bloggers in order to increase posts and thusly, readership.  Since I’m not a real blogger, the second one didn’t necessarily speak to me but I considered the first since it was more about outwardly appreciating those around you and self reflection which if you can’t tell by now, I’m a big fan of.  I read through each of the 30-day challenges and while I don’t really have something to say on all of them plus it’d be rather time consuming to do a new one each day, I thought that I would just write a little something about the ones I felt I enjoyed the most, perhaps a few every couple of days.  (Full disclosure: I was going to do them all right now but when I got going they were much longer than I anticipated so I’ll probably split them into a few posts.)

The idea is to write a letter to each person as suggested.  So here goes:

Your best friend:

I have several people I would consider to be best friends. I understand that by using the word “best” it implies that one in particular stands out but the truth is that I feel I have friends that reflect various sides of my personality.  In addition, I think that each of these people have such admirable and amazing qualities that sometimes are so different yet noteworthy.

Aunt Teddi:  

I would definitely consider my Aunt Teddi to be one of my best friends among other roles such as Godmother, second mom (after my grandmother), and mentor.  Over the last ten years or so, she has been a consistent confidant and someone I can (and do) always turn to in both the best and worst of times.  No one has a better understanding of the struggles I’ve had to overcome throughout my life and no one else has been there every single step of the way with nothing but words of encouragement and unwavering faith in me.  If you’ve ever wondered where I get my (sometimes brutal) honesty, hilariousness, or outgoing nature, look no further.  My aunt has often told me the story about how when I was growing up, my grandmother used to say to her about me, “She is just like us”.  And it’s true.  Where my grandmother left off, my aunt has picked up beautifully.  Without both of them, my life would have gone in a totally different direction.

Mike Chorvat:

We're so awesome I can barely stand it.

Recently Mike and I were having drinks at Revolution and I commented that he was one of my best friends.  His response: I don’t have any best friends.  I was immediately offended by this comment.  I told him so and he explained further.  “I don’t like to say that I have ‘best friends’ because in the past, I would refer to people as ‘best friends’ and then we’d end up not speaking after a while.  I want us to be friends forever.”  Fair enough.  I like to say that I’m the only person he tells the entire truth to because…well, you can’t lie to this face!  Keeding.  But in seriousness, I love this kid.  We can call each other names, be brutally honest and never once place judgement and I think we both appreciate that about one another.  When I’m being an asshole, he’ll tell me so and vice versa.  To me, true friends call you out on your bullshit—not sit around and allow you to do stupid things.

Ben Winge:

Interestingly, since Ben and I have become roommates, I think we talk less than we used to although this is probably my fault.  When I’m at home, I’m in decompression mode.  I just want to sit and zone out or I’m taking care of a hundred things.  That said, I definitely consider Ben to be one of my best friends.  A couple of years ago, I was horribly sick and needed to go to the emergency room.  Not one of my friends—not even my roommate at the time, would take me.  Ben drove to my house, picked me up, sat with me in the hospital ON A FRIDAY NIGHT for 7 HOURS!  I was miserable and not very good company but through all of this, he managed to make me laugh.  I tease him for his harem of ladies, but you know why all these chicks fall for him?  Cause he’s pretty much the nicest guy ever (next to Ryan Powers but that’s another story).

Luis Rodriguez:

SmoothLou.  Oh deary.  Where do I begin?  On one rainy night about 3 years ago, my old roommate brought me over to this man’s house to record a podcast and we became fast friends.  This is the only person that finds my obnoxious sarcasm endearing.  To this I say, he’s on drugs.  While SmoothLou has definitely had his challenges to overcome, he is always (cheese alert) sunshine on a cloudy day.  I have yet to meet the person that says, “That SmoothLou character.  I just don’t get it.”  An immensely talented and hilarious person that I am proud to call my friend.  And he is very old-timey and whimsical to boot.

Charlotte Mutesha:

Greatest. Picture. Ever.

The ever lovely and radiant, Miz Chartreuse.  This lady is fiercely loyal, loving and talented (in addition to being simply fierce, flawless and fabulous).  What I love most about her is that she constantly challenges convention and isn’t afraid to stand up for herself.  She is confident in who she is and you’ll never hear her make an unwarranted mean comment about somebody.  I even wrote a blog about her because she inspires me to be more outwardly loving to others and for this I am very appreciative.

There are so many others, but in the interest of time, I will just quickly recognize some other people that I really love and admire for various reasons but mainly, for being stand-up human beings in general and for inspiring me in so many ways:

Sean Keen, Dan Wade, Scott, Matthew Perrone, Antony, Shakeel, Angelique, Sam, Ryan Powers, Phil Kosch, Adam Bahr, Rob, Heidi, Alex and Amy…this list could go on but let’s just say that if we are friends on the regular, I think you’re pretty great.

Letter 2: Your Crush

Dear Billy Crudup, Jon Hamm, JFK Jr (when he was alive), and other very beautiful men that make me wanna shoop,

I would do terrible things to be with this man.

Thank you for being lovely to look at.  In my mind, we have engaged in some very intimate moments which I will always cherish.

Love always,

CC

Letter 3: Your parents

Go to hell.  I am who I am in spite of you, not because of you.

That about sums it up.

Take me or leave me

Somehow last night, I stumbled across a new show entitled “Plain Jane“.  Basically, the premise is that the model-esque host (Louise Roe)

Louise Roe

takes ordinary looking girls, magically turns them into someone completely different, and sends them on a semi-blind date with a guy they have a secret crush on.

First, Louise calls the guy up, says something to the effect of “I have a girl that likes you and wants to go on a date with you” <–insert an annoying high school girl voice here.  Louise and the PJ then literally follow the guy to suss him out, all the while Louise is encouraging Facebook stalking.

Next, the pair go shopping for a new “look”.  On the particular episode I watched, the PJ was a button-up and jeans kind of girl.  What do they put her in?  A bright red dress, one-shoulder, and a hemline only acceptable in Wrigleyville bars.  They give her blond highlights, a ridiculous amount of extensions, enough make-up to “cover her up”, then throw her in 4 inch stilletos and ta-da!  Transformed!

Louise and the victim then go into a grocery store where she is challenged to pickup a guy.  She has a device that resembles an alcohol monitoring bracelet placed on her ankle so that while Louise watches her attempt to talk to men, if the PJ does anything that is deemed to be “bad”, she gets a light electric shock.

Finally, after two days of an intense attempt of altering the PJ forever, she is sent to reveal herself to the unsuspecting guy.  As the girl walks out, Louise says repeatedly to the camera, “I hope he recognizes her”.

Basically this show is a disgusting display of one of the problems with dating today.  There are a fair amount of people that believe in order to “get the guy” (or girl for that matter), they have to pretend to be someone else.  On this particular show, the message is, “Don’t be yourself.  Change everything about who you are.  Ignore all of your instincts.”  That’s just dumb.  You can’t keep up that charade forever firstly, but more importantly, why do you want to be with someone that doesn’t appreciate you in all your neurotic glory?  Apparently what was “wrong” with the girl on this show is that she’s shy and a bit conservative.  So they throw her in a short dress and tell her to act opposite of how she would normally.  Guess what?  It is horribly awkward to watch because you can tell that it is not her being herself.  There’s some guy out there that would think her natural demeanor is adorable and appreciate a more conservative attitude.

I will say this though.  We all have our dating dysfunctions.  Some people act how they perceive others want them to, some are on their best behavior in order to hide the more “negative” aspects of themselves, some play silly games.  Here is mine: I fear intimacy.  Not just in dating, but in all relationships.  It’s very cliche–the old “I’ve been hurt so many times”, blah, blah, blah.  I know it’s stupid but it is literally automatic now.  I don’t even realize that I’m doing it.  I basically have to be coerced into opening up–just ask any of my ex’s.  This is evidenced in my extreme sarcasm and constant teasing that I impose on people I haven’t given my trust to yet.  Yes, I am always sarcastic and poke fun at my friends (with the love) but it’s pretty constant and relentless with newcomers.  It’s almost like a test.  If you give me shit back instead of being offended and irritated, then we can be friends.

I have more than once in my life heard that I am an acquired taste.  I imagine that it is because I can seem like a real jerk when you first meet me when in fact, I am just protecting myself with sarcasm.  Once you “pass the test” though, I am the most devoted and loyal of friends.  I’m a loving and appreciative in reality, but I do have to wonder how many relationships, dating or otherwise, I have missed because of this wall.  So the question is this: If your instinct is to keep people you do not know very well at arms length which can sometimes be polarizing, should you stop or be appreciative that you have the foresight and knowledge to filter out a lot of people that would perhaps harm you in the end?  Mayhaps the lesson here is, let the test of people be their actions and not how much abuse they can take.

I’ve certainly made mistakes in dating and as a control freak expert, I always want to go back and fix the problem.  A do-over if you will.  Unfortunately this is usually not possible.  Once you make a mistake all you can do is learn and move on.  But sometimes we just are who we are, defective personality traits and all, so how do you apologize for that?  You shouldn’t.  You have to balance learning from life and staying true to who you are, even when you’re not perfect.  Listen, I’ll never be the girl that quietly sits in the corner at a bar and just agrees with everything that is said.  I’ll never be able to ride a bike without getting a million knots in my hair.  I’ll always hate running and vegetables.  I am very opinionated but also dedicated.  And believe it or not I am extremely empathetic and understanding.  If I consider you a close friend, I’ll sit with you for hours listening and advising, I’ll drive you to the hospital and sit patiently the entire time (thanks Ben), and support every dumb decision you make.  But there’s nothing I love more than making people laugh and smile–even if I miss the mark sometimes.    Underneath it all, there is good intention, as I believe we all have.  So rather than trying to change ourselves or others, we should just accept these things.  As Deepak Chopra says “What will really make you attractive is not working on your weak points but embracing them”.

Forever my friend?

The differences between women and men are countless, but the one that always bothers me is the lack of woman to woman camaraderie and loyalty.  Men have the “guy code” wherein there are certain unspoken rules to abide by such as not tattling if he cheats or engages in other deplorable behavior.  It is far less common to hear a man gossip about his friends or say something such as “Can you believe that whore?” (I suppose I should clarify that I’m talking about hetero men here.)  Not that it doesn’t ever happen but it’s not the fucking pandemic like it is with women.

There are too many women that immediately dislike any other female until they’ve been given a reason to feel otherwise.  Most unfortunately, that reason typically has something to do with wanting something from that person.  Even once a girl is your “friend” they can quickly turn on you given the slightest opportunity.

I’ve been on the receiving end of disloyal behavior.  I’ve had rumors spread about me, both true and untrue; girls telling other people they don’t like me for whatever reason and then acting like my new best friend to my face; as well as a laundry list other heinous acts performed against me.  I think that I can say with a relative amount of certainty that I have not, in recent years, engaged in this type of activity.  Certainly I’ve had problems with people, but I try to handle them with the highest level of maturity, given the situation.  I’m sure that there are some that would argue otherwise but my intent is never to be purposefully hurtful or to cause drama.

I honestly never really understood this or the reasoning behind it until recently and I hate to say this, but the cause is typically one thing: Jealousy.  If another girl is perceived to be prettier, smarter, richer or any other –er, she must be a bitch, whore, slut, etc.  Another person in the world can’t possibly have something that we see as “better” and actually also be a good or nice person.  Right? Uh…no.  Very, very wrong.

These acts of jealousy are mainly directed towards single women.  If she’s single, then girls think she’s a threat either because they think she’s going to try and steal your boyfriend or she’s competition in the dating pool.  And we all know how evil single women are.  They’re conniving to fuck every man that exists—your boyfriend included. (<–extreme sarcasm)

Oh no you didn't!

Jealousy makes people crazy.  It makes them irrational beyond the point of return and there is no hope once that line has been crossed.  This jealousy does have a root cause and it’s has nothing to do with other women.  It has to do with their own insecurities.  For whatever reason there are mass quantities of women that are not pleased with their own life and lack a confidence in knowing that they are pretty amazing people.  Typically, the only thing holding them back from being an outstanding person is their negative attitude towards other women.  Per my previous blog post regarding Spontaneous Trait Transference, this is a vicious cycle in which one woman talks shit about another and then other women think the first woman has those same negative traits.

This is mainly why the majority of my friends are men.  We can make fun of one another (jokingly) and no one takes it personally.  If someone crosses a line, they just say so and it’s usually over immediately.  They don’t dwell on something that was said or look for the “deeper meaning” of people’s actions.  Things are taken at face value.  They don’t see their friend’s outfit and think to themselves, “I look like shit compared to him” and then go into an insecure frenzy.  That said, men certainly have their own set of faults including a typical lack of sensitivity or inability to convey emotions, but in terms of being loyal friends and their lack of gossiping, they are far superior.

Now understand that you don’t have to like someone just because they’re the same sex.  Of course there are legitimate assholes everywhere.  But rather than cause unnecessary drama just because they’re an idiot or act two-faced by being all lovey-dovy when they’re around and then tell others about how dislike them, let me give you an example of how this should be handled.  I know this guy, who I will not name here, that I sincerely do not like for very valid reasons.  He’s not an ex-boyfriend, but there have been several incidents directed at me that I do not appreciate (an example that men can suck at being friends too).  I have to see this person pretty regularly due to mutual friends which is less than ideal but whatever.  When I see him, I say hello (and not in a snide or condescending fashion), and walk away.  I don’t make a big, fake production out of it and give him a hug asking him how his life is because frankly, I don’t give a shit and it’s insincere to pretend that I do.  I also don’t blatantly ignore him and instead simply acknowledge him and then leave it at that.

All people do engage in some gossip, even men, and others want to know what is going on in everyone’s life if for no other reason than to have something to talk to you about.  It only becomes a problem when it is meant to be vile, hurtful and damaging.  It becomes an even bigger problem when the shit talker acts as your friend to your face.  To be honest, at this point in my life, this type of behavior doesn’t make me angry, it irritates me and really, makes me a little sad.  It’s sad because the offender clearly lacks the ability to recognize their own positive qualities and exude a confidence that they are a great person on their own accord.  I’m not trying to say that I am perfect.  Sometimes we all get annoyed and need to talk about it.  But there is a difference between unfounded gossip and disloyalty, and reacting to a specific incident.

The girl friends that I do have are amazeballs.  They are incredible women that are beautiful, successful, hilarious and confident in their own abilities.  They are not jealous of others and don’t talk negatively about people because they know it’s not important and only causes idiotic problems.  They are only interested in being loving, caring people that just want to laugh and enjoy life.  You’ll get much further in life with this attitude.  Unfortunately there are, in my opinion, not enough women like them.

So all this said, if you are someone that acts friendly to my face and then tells others how much you don’t like me, is my friend one minute but not the next or wants to gossip about me, go right ahead.  Know though that while I will feel sympathy for you,  I certainly will not go out of my way to be friendly towards you.  And don’t think for a second that I don’t know who you are.  I need idiotic and drama-seeking people in my life like I need a hole in my head.  I’m fucking awesome.  Deal with it.

Can we just be nicer and more loyal to each other? Come on, women!  Why would we want to tear each other apart?  In the words of Balki Bartokomous, “Don’t be ridiculous!” 

Hey, Chicago, what do you say?

The following conversation took place via text message on April 28, 2010.  The names and content have not been altered in any way.

Smoothlou: “Free tomorrow?  I have a ticket to the Cubs game at 1:20 with your name on it.”

CC: “Ruh roh.  That sounds dangerous.  I’m in.”

Smoothlou: “I asked about a baker’s dozen of friends and family members to go with me, and everyone apparently has some kind of job that they go to or something.  Anyway, not that you were last on my list, but you were my first yes! USA! USA!”

CC: “Is that “job” with a soft “j” like “yob”?  I’m not familiar” (credit for joke: Adam C)

Smoothlou: “It may be an Italian word.  I’m not terribly familiar with the concept.   I didn’t even know what a baseball was until yesterday.  Apparently, 18 vaguely homosexual men duke it out with sticks and balls. Very exciting.”

And thus began my first adventure to the infamous and historic Wrigley Field.

Lou and I met at Rockit where the lovely Jaley is now employed.  We enjoyed a scrumptious lunch that ended with a pitcher of vodka lemonade with the Kool-Aid Man.   Which, for future reference, is much quicker to consume with a straw and perhaps a bumblebee.

We eventually went into the game at approximately the third inning after walking up several steep ramps, during which Lou commented, “Dont worry. It’s only another half mile”.  It felt it.  Oh–and not to ignore the fact that we were carrying our $7 Bud Lights.  God forbid they should offer a beer that doesn’t make my mouth taste like it time traveled to the next morning.

I was slightly disappointed by the lack of representation of douchebags and ball sacks (4th definition down) as making jokes about hair gel, tanning and fistpumps is not beneath me.  However, someone pointed out later that this genre of people have to work to fund their extravagent lifestyle of redbull and vodkas and Ed Hardy apparel.  These things don’t come cheap, people!

Neither Lou nor myself are baseball fans which was really our first mistake.  I only have a basic understanding of the sport although I’m pretty sure it’s not all that complicated.  I referenced my previous blog during the game which the ongoing game illustrated quite well.  That said, it was a beautiful Chicago day and there’s nothing like day drinking in a relaxed atmosphere with a good friend.

In accordance with my lifestyle, after the first beer, needed some vitamin nicotine.  There were “No smoking” signs everywhere, which was anticipated but figured I’d just go outside (which is stupid because we already were outside).  As I reached the gate, just to be sure, I asked the friendly (<—sarcasm) ticket takers if I could smoke and come back inside.  Nope.  I sighed and commented that the rule was silly as you have an entire stadium filled with drunken people, to which the guy said, rather ridiculously, “Havent you ever been on a plane?”.  What?  Uh, yes.  I used to travel often.  But I’m either sleeping or half-asleep and refrain from drinking because I know I’ll want a cigarette.  I’m pretty sure the Cubs people are making outrageous amounts of money on booze and if I’m going to pay the ass-raping prices, I would like to be able to smoke.  But I digress…

At the seventh inning we made the executive decision that a bar would suit our drinking needs better so proceeded to one across the street.  There, I greatly appreciated the glorious selection of delicious beverages and promtly ordered a Blue Moon to wash the taste of blowing a trucker (aka Bud Light (joke credit: Smoothlou)) out of my mouth.  While I’m not a fan of Wrigleyville bars, this one had a rooftop deck that was great for a day such as this.  Being half a pitcher of happiness and three beers in makes for random dancing and ridiculous pictures as evidenced here.

The douchebags were roaming freely at this bar and I even got to witness one special breed yell “Hey mama” at several chicks walking by.  Jaley joined us after work and here, in brief summation, was the remainder of the evening (it was only 5:00 pm at this point):

Go back to my house; drunkenly do Jaleys makeup; sing “Just a Friend” on the red line; go to Bin; drink wine; walk to blue line; Jaley looks for her CTA pass for about 10 minutes; CC dances and sings to Michael Jackson while awaiting the train; stranger gives CC dirty looks; go to Double Door; assault photobooth; go to Crocodile; assault free pizza. End.

In conclusion, I had a rather marvelous time.  I do believe that any future attentence of a Cubs game should be accompanied by someone that actually likes the sport.  Part of the excitement I feel at Bears games is brought on by the collective enjoyment of the action and that piece was clearly missing from my Cubs experience.  That and they lost 13-5.