25 Years

I had the honor & pleasure of attending the final taping of the Oprah Show yesterday that aired this morning.  I’ve seen some comments that people thought it was her preaching & that they were disappointed with the finale.  I have some things to say about that…

Firstly, when people found out I was going, the first thing most of them said was, “What do you think she’ll give you?”  I really & truly didn’t think she’d give anything away.  That would have distracted from it being her last show & all people would have talked about is what she gave away rather then it being the finale.  Second, that’s not what Oprah’s show is really all about.  Sure–she gave away cars, trips & had her Favorite Things shows, but at the heart of the show is & always has been about seeing things in a new light, learning about people & thusly, about yourself.  To say that Oprah is just about grandiose, extravagant gifts, you haven’t really been watching or paying attention.

Listen–I know that some of you will roll your eyes at this but I’ll say it anyways.  I grew up in a family that didn’t necessarily encourage introspection.  No one was particularly religious or spiritual or looked for a deeper meaning to life.  I would say that my grandmother definitely encouraged me to look at the motivations of other people when they said or did terrible things in order to gain a deeper understanding of not just the why but why I shouldn’t be immediately reactive or let it negatively affect me.  I became an observant little girl who saw things many others didn’t.  I learned a lot about people & why people are who they are.  When my grandmother passed away in 1995, I was left without a role model or confidant in my life.  I would definitely say that Oprah was a great influence on me particularly after this point.  I remember relating to her story as she had parents that didn’t necessarily support her or outwardly encourage her but she found the courage & strength to create her own life.

I was invited to attend the final Oprah show because I wrote a letter about how Oprah has inspired me.  I can think of so many examples of this but the one that specifically stands out to me is a story Oprah has told several times about her trying to get a role in the movie “The Color Purple”.  This was back when Oprah’s show was still AM Chicago & she talks about how she wanted to be in this movie more than she had ever wanted anything in her life.  After not hearing any response for some time, she called the casting director to see if any decision was made.  He told her, “There are real actresses auditioning for this role.  What makes you think you will get it?”  Obviously she was very discouraged about this.  She goes to a “fat camp” & was running around the track praying to god saying, “God–I’ve never wanted anything more in my life but if this is not in the cards for me, show me what you’d have me do next.”  She starts singing “I surrender all” & the minute–the minute she lets it go, someone comes down to the track & tells her Steven Spielberg is on the phone.  Oprah runs to the phone & Steven says to her, “If you lose one pound, you could lose this role.”  I love this story because I am a particularly anxious person & when I want something it will consume my thoughts.  Whenever I do this, it tends to not work out in my favor or end up being what I think it will be.  I had to learn that sometimes what we want in this moment is not necessarily ultimately for the best & that while it’s important to take the steps needed to achieve our goals, sometimes you just have to align yourself with the energy of the universe & let it show you where you are best needed.

I’m not trying to say that Oprah is god or perfect.  She’s not even my number one role model (but definitely top five).  But there is true value in what she has done & accomplished & I think something that is needed in the world.  I aspire to be more like her in that I hope to always be learning from the world & eventually use that knowledge to teach others.  Martin Luther King, Jr put it best when he said “Everybody can be great, because anybody can serve.”

I truly feel that Oprah’s Finale show was fitting.  She summed up the main lessons she had during her 25 years:  That you are in charge of your own life.  That you are worthy.  You effect the lives of others every single day regardless of the size of your audience. To find your passion & inspire others. That service is more important then fame.  That the guiding force of the world is the energy you put into it.

I am by no means a religious person & would consider myself to be agnostic.  There are few things in this world that I am sure of.  But–as Oprah would say, the one thing I know for sure is that the energy you give to the world is exactly what you get back.  I have spent most of my 20’s reading, researching & searching for answers about life & this is the only constant that I have found.  Once you not only learn this, but know it & use it in your own life is when you can find true contentedness & happiness.

Letters

I don’t consider myself to be a blogger.  Sure.  This is technically a blog but the thing is that I don’t really care how many hits I have nor do I attempt to build my readership.  I don’t even have Google Analytics.  I think of this more as an online journal where I share thoughts with people I already know.  Sort of like mass conversation and idea sharing.  I don’t get to spend as much time as I would like having deep conversations with all of my friends so this is a way of doing that even when we can’t get together in person.

That said, yesterday I posted a sort of year-end recap.  My dear friend, Miz Chartreuse texted me asking if I was participating in the 30-day Challenge.  I didn’t even really know what that was.  I Googled it and ironically, my post was the topic for December 1^st.  Apparently there are various 30-day challenges, two of which the lovely Miz Chartreuse is participating in on her Tumblr and her own website, the first being more personal and a sort of gratitude journal.  The second is really intended for serious bloggers in order to increase posts and thusly, readership.  Since I’m not a real blogger, the second one didn’t necessarily speak to me but I considered the first since it was more about outwardly appreciating those around you and self reflection which if you can’t tell by now, I’m a big fan of.  I read through each of the 30-day challenges and while I don’t really have something to say on all of them plus it’d be rather time consuming to do a new one each day, I thought that I would just write a little something about the ones I felt I enjoyed the most, perhaps a few every couple of days.  (Full disclosure: I was going to do them all right now but when I got going they were much longer than I anticipated so I’ll probably split them into a few posts.)

The idea is to write a letter to each person as suggested.  So here goes:

Your best friend:

I have several people I would consider to be best friends. I understand that by using the word “best” it implies that one in particular stands out but the truth is that I feel I have friends that reflect various sides of my personality.  In addition, I think that each of these people have such admirable and amazing qualities that sometimes are so different yet noteworthy.

Aunt Teddi:  

I would definitely consider my Aunt Teddi to be one of my best friends among other roles such as Godmother, second mom (after my grandmother), and mentor.  Over the last ten years or so, she has been a consistent confidant and someone I can (and do) always turn to in both the best and worst of times.  No one has a better understanding of the struggles I’ve had to overcome throughout my life and no one else has been there every single step of the way with nothing but words of encouragement and unwavering faith in me.  If you’ve ever wondered where I get my (sometimes brutal) honesty, hilariousness, or outgoing nature, look no further.  My aunt has often told me the story about how when I was growing up, my grandmother used to say to her about me, “She is just like us”.  And it’s true.  Where my grandmother left off, my aunt has picked up beautifully.  Without both of them, my life would have gone in a totally different direction.

Mike Chorvat:

We're so awesome I can barely stand it.

Recently Mike and I were having drinks at Revolution and I commented that he was one of my best friends.  His response: I don’t have any best friends.  I was immediately offended by this comment.  I told him so and he explained further.  “I don’t like to say that I have ‘best friends’ because in the past, I would refer to people as ‘best friends’ and then we’d end up not speaking after a while.  I want us to be friends forever.”  Fair enough.  I like to say that I’m the only person he tells the entire truth to because…well, you can’t lie to this face!  Keeding.  But in seriousness, I love this kid.  We can call each other names, be brutally honest and never once place judgement and I think we both appreciate that about one another.  When I’m being an asshole, he’ll tell me so and vice versa.  To me, true friends call you out on your bullshit—not sit around and allow you to do stupid things.

Ben Winge:

Interestingly, since Ben and I have become roommates, I think we talk less than we used to although this is probably my fault.  When I’m at home, I’m in decompression mode.  I just want to sit and zone out or I’m taking care of a hundred things.  That said, I definitely consider Ben to be one of my best friends.  A couple of years ago, I was horribly sick and needed to go to the emergency room.  Not one of my friends—not even my roommate at the time, would take me.  Ben drove to my house, picked me up, sat with me in the hospital ON A FRIDAY NIGHT for 7 HOURS!  I was miserable and not very good company but through all of this, he managed to make me laugh.  I tease him for his harem of ladies, but you know why all these chicks fall for him?  Cause he’s pretty much the nicest guy ever (next to Ryan Powers but that’s another story).

Luis Rodriguez:

SmoothLou.  Oh deary.  Where do I begin?  On one rainy night about 3 years ago, my old roommate brought me over to this man’s house to record a podcast and we became fast friends.  This is the only person that finds my obnoxious sarcasm endearing.  To this I say, he’s on drugs.  While SmoothLou has definitely had his challenges to overcome, he is always (cheese alert) sunshine on a cloudy day.  I have yet to meet the person that says, “That SmoothLou character.  I just don’t get it.”  An immensely talented and hilarious person that I am proud to call my friend.  And he is very old-timey and whimsical to boot.

Charlotte Mutesha:

Greatest. Picture. Ever.

The ever lovely and radiant, Miz Chartreuse.  This lady is fiercely loyal, loving and talented (in addition to being simply fierce, flawless and fabulous).  What I love most about her is that she constantly challenges convention and isn’t afraid to stand up for herself.  She is confident in who she is and you’ll never hear her make an unwarranted mean comment about somebody.  I even wrote a blog about her because she inspires me to be more outwardly loving to others and for this I am very appreciative.

There are so many others, but in the interest of time, I will just quickly recognize some other people that I really love and admire for various reasons but mainly, for being stand-up human beings in general and for inspiring me in so many ways:

Sean Keen, Dan Wade, Scott, Matthew Perrone, Antony, Shakeel, Angelique, Sam, Ryan Powers, Phil Kosch, Adam Bahr, Rob, Heidi, Alex and Amy…this list could go on but let’s just say that if we are friends on the regular, I think you’re pretty great.

Letter 2: Your Crush

Dear Billy Crudup, Jon Hamm, JFK Jr (when he was alive), and other very beautiful men that make me wanna shoop,

I would do terrible things to be with this man.

Thank you for being lovely to look at.  In my mind, we have engaged in some very intimate moments which I will always cherish.

Love always,

CC

Letter 3: Your parents

Go to hell.  I am who I am in spite of you, not because of you.

That about sums it up.

Auld Lang Syne

This year has been a difficult one, not just for me but for a lot of people I know.  I think the best word to describe 2010 is TRANSITION.  People losing their jobs and/or relationships, wondering what they really want to do with the rest of their life or trying to make things happen but being met with resistance.  There seems to be uncertainty everywhere and everyone is just trying to figure shit out.

I thought that since I was completing my graduate degree this year, the relief and pride that comes with this accomplishment would make for one great year.  Unfortunately, the stress of finding a job coupled with other concerns didn’t allow for this to happen.  Spending six years in school to begin a new career at the age of 29 only to discover that there are no jobs in your field is extremely frustrating, needless to say.  I am frantically trying to make the TRANSITION from intern to full-time employee but alas, this isn’t in the cards for 2010.

I became completely reliant on public transportation this year for the first time in my life which was a huge TRANSITION but as it turns out, a welcome one.  I worked on my new year’s resolution to be nicer to people which was more difficult than expected but ultimately fruitful (and by “nicer” I mean “less negatively sarcastic”).  I fought with myself to come to terms with being open to the possibility of love again….and subsequently became quickly frustrated with the dating scene.

While the year was in many ways a tough one, if I’m being entirely honest, I learn more about myself from difficult situations than when everything goes as planned.  I spent much of the year in high anxiety, stress and worry, but in the last few weeks, I’ve just let it all go.  Regardless of what I want to happen in my life, I’ve done everything I can to get there so what comes next is out of my hands.  As much as I think that it’s important to identify areas of your life that need to be improved upon and then do something about it, there comes a time when you just have to say to yourself, “I’m going to just let life happen now.”  Understanding that this is all there is left to do has brought me a sense of calm and contentedness.  I’ve done my part—it’s time to just see what happens.  Sometimes the best things in life are completely unexpected and you can’t plan every last detail.  Changing my mindset from wanting to control everything to letting life happen has been a major and happy TRANSITION.

Can I help you pop your cork?

If you know me at all, you know I’m a huge fan of making New Year’s resolutions.  Every year I choose resolutions to improve myself that are almost entirely based on working on a particular part of my personality—to be nicer, more grateful, more observant, etc.  I’ve made the executive decision (which I can do because I am the CEO of my life) to give myself a little break in 2011.  I want to continue to work on myself but sometimes you just need to accept yourself as you are, flaws and all, rather than criticizing or identifying all of the things you can be improving.  I presented this quote from Deepak Chopra in an earlier blog but I think it’s worth repeating: “What will really make you attractive is not working on your weak points but embracing them.”  I’ve worked very hard on cultivating my various virtues for at least the last 6 years so next year’s theme shall be ENJOY (also to be known as FUN or LET’S GET WEIRD).  My 2011 new year’s resolutions are as follows:

Take a trip to Iceland (and buy a digital SLR to document it).

Iceland

Go to Lolla all 3-days.

Plan the best 30^th birthday ever (possibly another vacation?)

Let life happen.

 

Big things to come.  Watch out 2011.  Imma make you my bitch.

 

 

Postscript:

For those of you that are self-destructive, involved in constant drama or believe you often have bad things happen to you, the approach described above will not work for you.  When presented with major character flaws that interrupt, disrupt or interfere with regular life, you have to stop what you’re doing to work on bettering yourself.  It’s taken me many, many years to achieve the level of awareness and completeness I now have.  It’s okay to have flaws but when those flaws put you on a negative path that not only harms yourself but those around you, you have to recognize that those are the issues that need to be resolved.  Remember that the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results.