Too famous to get fully dressed

I have worked full-time for more than 10 years now and there is something that I have always had an issue with.  Office apparel.  Let’s have an honest moment here: it’s appalling.  You know what I’m talking about.  The majority of professional workers look like they just rolled out of the Salvation Army store and then I’m supposed to take them seriously?  Nuh uh.

Ladies—unless you are a lifeguard, flip flops are never workplace acceptable.  I don’t care if they’re, what you describe as, “sandal-like”, they’re not okay.  Honestly, I don’t even think open toed shoes should be worn at work but I know that is debatable by some standards.  Also, leggings.  Don’t even think about them.  Leggings are MORE casual than jeans for christ’s sake.  And just FYI, there is something called “clothes that fit properly”.  It’s that place between overly baggy, men’s sized clothes and looking like a marshmallow with a rubber band around it.  Just simply ridiculous.  If you’d wear it to the gym, don’t wear it to work.

Men are just as bad at this.  No, your khaki cargo pants are not professional looking.  They make you look like you still live at home with your mommy and she buys your pants on sale at JcPenny.  That polo shirt you throw on with them are barely better than a t-shirt.  Particularly those free ones with various company emblem’s stitched on them.  You’re not fooling anyone.  I don’t want to hear about how it’s so hot outside thus you need to wear short sleeves.  You’re inside all day with the air conditioning blasting.  And trust me, covering the second half of your arms will not make you that much warmer during the two block walk to the office.

I could go on forever with these examples but the point is this: when did we get so fucking lazy?  It seems like most people need someone holding a gun to their head just to shower.  Ever watch Mad Men?  Now that’s what I’m talking about.  Men in three piece-suits, women in beautiful dresses with their hair perfectly coiffed.  In this era, people understood the importance of putting forth your best self.  And not simply to impress others, but to encourage self-confidence.  It’s about self respect. 

Now I do understand that some people have jobs where it would be silly to dress any other way but casually.  Certainly you have to maintain an appropriateness for your surroundings.  But if you work in a professional office atmosphere where you interact with other employees, customers, clients, or really just human beings in general, then these rules all apply to you.  People will treat you differently if you invest a little time in your appearance—in a positive way.  Or we could just all become slobs and stop washing our clothes altogether.  Either or.

Forever my friend?

The differences between women and men are countless, but the one that always bothers me is the lack of woman to woman camaraderie and loyalty.  Men have the “guy code” wherein there are certain unspoken rules to abide by such as not tattling if he cheats or engages in other deplorable behavior.  It is far less common to hear a man gossip about his friends or say something such as “Can you believe that whore?” (I suppose I should clarify that I’m talking about hetero men here.)  Not that it doesn’t ever happen but it’s not the fucking pandemic like it is with women.

There are too many women that immediately dislike any other female until they’ve been given a reason to feel otherwise.  Most unfortunately, that reason typically has something to do with wanting something from that person.  Even once a girl is your “friend” they can quickly turn on you given the slightest opportunity.

I’ve been on the receiving end of disloyal behavior.  I’ve had rumors spread about me, both true and untrue; girls telling other people they don’t like me for whatever reason and then acting like my new best friend to my face; as well as a laundry list other heinous acts performed against me.  I think that I can say with a relative amount of certainty that I have not, in recent years, engaged in this type of activity.  Certainly I’ve had problems with people, but I try to handle them with the highest level of maturity, given the situation.  I’m sure that there are some that would argue otherwise but my intent is never to be purposefully hurtful or to cause drama.

I honestly never really understood this or the reasoning behind it until recently and I hate to say this, but the cause is typically one thing: Jealousy.  If another girl is perceived to be prettier, smarter, richer or any other –er, she must be a bitch, whore, slut, etc.  Another person in the world can’t possibly have something that we see as “better” and actually also be a good or nice person.  Right? Uh…no.  Very, very wrong.

These acts of jealousy are mainly directed towards single women.  If she’s single, then girls think she’s a threat either because they think she’s going to try and steal your boyfriend or she’s competition in the dating pool.  And we all know how evil single women are.  They’re conniving to fuck every man that exists—your boyfriend included. (<–extreme sarcasm)

Oh no you didn't!

Jealousy makes people crazy.  It makes them irrational beyond the point of return and there is no hope once that line has been crossed.  This jealousy does have a root cause and it’s has nothing to do with other women.  It has to do with their own insecurities.  For whatever reason there are mass quantities of women that are not pleased with their own life and lack a confidence in knowing that they are pretty amazing people.  Typically, the only thing holding them back from being an outstanding person is their negative attitude towards other women.  Per my previous blog post regarding Spontaneous Trait Transference, this is a vicious cycle in which one woman talks shit about another and then other women think the first woman has those same negative traits.

This is mainly why the majority of my friends are men.  We can make fun of one another (jokingly) and no one takes it personally.  If someone crosses a line, they just say so and it’s usually over immediately.  They don’t dwell on something that was said or look for the “deeper meaning” of people’s actions.  Things are taken at face value.  They don’t see their friend’s outfit and think to themselves, “I look like shit compared to him” and then go into an insecure frenzy.  That said, men certainly have their own set of faults including a typical lack of sensitivity or inability to convey emotions, but in terms of being loyal friends and their lack of gossiping, they are far superior.

Now understand that you don’t have to like someone just because they’re the same sex.  Of course there are legitimate assholes everywhere.  But rather than cause unnecessary drama just because they’re an idiot or act two-faced by being all lovey-dovy when they’re around and then tell others about how dislike them, let me give you an example of how this should be handled.  I know this guy, who I will not name here, that I sincerely do not like for very valid reasons.  He’s not an ex-boyfriend, but there have been several incidents directed at me that I do not appreciate (an example that men can suck at being friends too).  I have to see this person pretty regularly due to mutual friends which is less than ideal but whatever.  When I see him, I say hello (and not in a snide or condescending fashion), and walk away.  I don’t make a big, fake production out of it and give him a hug asking him how his life is because frankly, I don’t give a shit and it’s insincere to pretend that I do.  I also don’t blatantly ignore him and instead simply acknowledge him and then leave it at that.

All people do engage in some gossip, even men, and others want to know what is going on in everyone’s life if for no other reason than to have something to talk to you about.  It only becomes a problem when it is meant to be vile, hurtful and damaging.  It becomes an even bigger problem when the shit talker acts as your friend to your face.  To be honest, at this point in my life, this type of behavior doesn’t make me angry, it irritates me and really, makes me a little sad.  It’s sad because the offender clearly lacks the ability to recognize their own positive qualities and exude a confidence that they are a great person on their own accord.  I’m not trying to say that I am perfect.  Sometimes we all get annoyed and need to talk about it.  But there is a difference between unfounded gossip and disloyalty, and reacting to a specific incident.

The girl friends that I do have are amazeballs.  They are incredible women that are beautiful, successful, hilarious and confident in their own abilities.  They are not jealous of others and don’t talk negatively about people because they know it’s not important and only causes idiotic problems.  They are only interested in being loving, caring people that just want to laugh and enjoy life.  You’ll get much further in life with this attitude.  Unfortunately there are, in my opinion, not enough women like them.

So all this said, if you are someone that acts friendly to my face and then tells others how much you don’t like me, is my friend one minute but not the next or wants to gossip about me, go right ahead.  Know though that while I will feel sympathy for you,  I certainly will not go out of my way to be friendly towards you.  And don’t think for a second that I don’t know who you are.  I need idiotic and drama-seeking people in my life like I need a hole in my head.  I’m fucking awesome.  Deal with it.

Can we just be nicer and more loyal to each other? Come on, women!  Why would we want to tear each other apart?  In the words of Balki Bartokomous, “Don’t be ridiculous!” 

Don’t stop me now

This Friday, I will begin the yearlong celebration of the end of my twenties.  Yes, it’s my 29^th birthday, ladies and gents.  While many people dread this inevitable event, I am pretty excited for it.  I spent most of my 20’s trying to figure out who I am and what I want, and then spending countless hours (really years) trying to achieve these goals.  In some ways, I’m still in this process, but things have definitely slowed recently, allowing me to enjoy the fruits of my labor. Well…that might be taking it a bit far considering that I’m still a lowly intern, but at least I’m finished with school.  Alas, I’ll spare you the “reflective decade” blog for this time next year.

I just wanted to take a minute to look forward, rather than to the past, and thought “Hey, maybe I should write a bucket list of sorts for the next year.” Things to do before I turn 30.  So I started thinking about it and here’s the thing:  I didn’t really have anything to put on it.  Sure, I have goals (like get a full-time, non-intern job), but I feel like many of them are not really appropriate to put on such a list because they’re a given.  I don’t need a list to tell me to do it.  And I already have my new year’s resolutions so I don’t want to repeat those because that seems redundant and also, I feel like resolutions are different.  My new year’s resolutions are characteristics that I would like to improve about myself over the course of a year while I imagined this list as being more about things I’d like to do or see.  I certainly have goals I would like to accomplish in my lifetime but they’re not feasible in the next year.  I even googled “bucket list ideas” which had  lame crap like “run a marathon” or “meet Bill Clinton”.  I could care less about either of those things.  I did, however, run across this sweet ass website that you may want to check out for yourself: Kick Ass Lifestyle (<—I hope you recognize that as sarcasm)

The end result was that I realized how awesome I am.  No seriously.  If I want something, I will make it happen.  I don’t sit around wishing for things–I get off my ass and do it.  The point I’m trying to make is that it’s a waste of life to just simply wish for things.  You want it?  Then find a way.

So I’m interested in hearing what things you want to do in your life.  And I think I mean big things rather than the usual “get promoted” or “buy a house”.  If they’re good, I’ll steal them.  And happy birthday to me!

My list:

1.  Ride the Virgin Galactic Get over my fear of riding a bicycle in the city.

Free fallin’

I’ve always been a big fan of nostalgia.  New Years is my favorite holiday for this exact reason.  I love any opportunity to stop for a minute and reflect on year’s past and revel in all of the great and unexpected things that have happened along the way.  It just amazes me how fast time passes and with it, all of the change it brings.  This often comforts me since I tend to be a worrier and when I am able to be reflective, I realize that things almost always turn out for the best and that the greatest things that happen to me, I would have never expected.

A few weekends ago, I attended the Taste of Randolph in the West Loop.  It was a lovely evening filled with food, drinks and some dear friends.  At one point, everyone went to stand in the ridiculously long line to procure a beer, and I decided to remain in our spot.  As I looked around, I thought about the previous year at this street fest, where I went on a first date.  What I recalled most clearly was not anything in particular that happened, but the feeling that I had that day.  It was really a kind of anticipation and excitement for the unknown.  I hadn’t had that feeling in a long time and I have to say that it was rather unexpected.  I’m typically immune to these types of feelings and it takes a very unique and incredible person for me to get even a little excited over.  What I found to be astounding, however, was the fact that almost exactly one year later, I was able to summon these same feelings standing in the middle of the street, alone, long after the relationship ended.

I have a friend, let’s call her Schmaley.  Schmaley is a sucker for love.  She loves being in love.  And loves the love of love…or something.  When I introduced her to her current boyfriend/receiver of love, I had serious doubts pretty quickly.  I actually really liked this guy and thought he was pretty great, but the sheer speed at which they proclaimed their love for one another and to everyone else was frightening.  His roommate and I shook our heads in disbelief, bracing ourselves for the fall.  Several weeks later, we were all out, and another friend asked me, “Did you know they’ve already been talking about marriage?” and sadly, my reply was “Yes”.  This couple has now been together approximately 3 months and change, and they are currently apartment hunting for their cohabitation beginning August 1^st.

I have another friend that we’ll call Person Q.  Person Q is always telling me what a hopeless romantic he is.  How he believes that the “heart wants what it wants” and that we have no control over these matters.  He recently met a lady, and after basically hanging out with her one time, has declared her perfect for him (I’m summarizing).  I will not go into details here, but let’s just say that the situation is extremely complicated and by being together, others will be hurt.  I say, stay the fuck away from messy situations.  He says, ah—love. 

I believe that love exists.  I do.  But I don’t know that this immediate, overwhelming connection is possible…for me.  I think that some people are just reckless in love.  Everyone gets a little excited at the prospect of dating, just some control it better than others.  If I don’t allow myself to get in a tizzy like a puppy on Adderoll, then I won’t ever “fall in love” within 30 seconds, but I also won’t get my heart shattered a thousand times by unworthy suitors.  I think this is a fair trade off, seeing that I eventually will love, once the right person earns and deserves that honor.  And that takes time.  You can’t measure the amount of time that it takes to really get to know someone in days or weeks. But whether or not you completely know someone, is it possible to feel such a connection that it doesn’t matter?  Basically “sensing” that you know them without the time to back it up with?

In recent years, I have been extraordinarily particular about who I seriously date, to the point where I’ve only been in one relationship for the past three years—and that only lasted 4 months.  While I’ll admit that there is a small, small, very small part of me that envies the “infatuation lovers”, overall, I’m pleased with my choices.  And yes, I believe that love is a choice.  You choose how much you give, and who you give it to.  Surely some people come into our life and we feel more connected to them than others, but I choose to talk to them and engage them.

Know that I am not trying to rain on anyone’s parade.  I don’t think that Schmaley or Person Q aren’t in love when they say they are.  I just choose to be more cautious.  I’m a unique person with particular needs and if I don’t find that, I’m okay with being alone.  Hence, I will only choose that path if I find someone that I feel can fit into my existing life.  Let’s also be clear that I’m not trying to insinuate that others are careless and just love anybody that crosses their path.  But by being “reckless”, as I say, you are more open to potential opportunities, but also, more open to getting hurt, which is the trade off.  Is it worth it?  I don’t know.  I hate getting hurt, but I love being happy more.

So the question I suppose I am posing here is, can you just know in a short period of time that someone is “right” for you long-term, and if so, is loving recklessly worth the risk of getting hurt?  And if things always tend to work out for the best in the long run, then does it even matter?