The following conversation took place via text message on April 28, 2010. The names and content have not been altered in any way.
Smoothlou: “Free tomorrow? I have a ticket to the Cubs game at 1:20 with your name on it.”
CC: “Ruh roh. That sounds dangerous. I’m in.”
Smoothlou: “I asked about a baker’s dozen of friends and family members to go with me, and everyone apparently has some kind of job that they go to or something. Anyway, not that you were last on my list, but you were my first yes! USA! USA!”
CC: “Is that “job” with a soft “j” like “yob”? I’m not familiar” (credit for joke: Adam C)
Smoothlou: “It may be an Italian word. I’m not terribly familiar with the concept. I didn’t even know what a baseball was until yesterday. Apparently, 18 vaguely homosexual men duke it out with sticks and balls. Very exciting.”
And thus began my first adventure to the infamous and historic Wrigley Field.
Lou and I met at Rockit where the lovely Jaley is now employed. We enjoyed a scrumptious lunch that ended with a pitcher of vodka lemonade with the Kool-Aid Man. Which, for future reference, is much quicker to consume with a straw and perhaps a bumblebee.
We eventually went into the game at approximately the third inning after walking up several steep ramps, during which Lou commented, “Dont worry. It’s only another half mile”. It felt it. Oh–and not to ignore the fact that we were carrying our $7 Bud Lights. God forbid they should offer a beer that doesn’t make my mouth taste like it time traveled to the next morning.
I was slightly disappointed by the lack of representation of douchebags and ball sacks (4th definition down) as making jokes about hair gel, tanning and fistpumps is not beneath me. However, someone pointed out later that this genre of people have to work to fund their extravagent lifestyle of redbull and vodkas and Ed Hardy apparel. These things don’t come cheap, people!
Neither Lou nor myself are baseball fans which was really our first mistake. I only have a basic understanding of the sport although I’m pretty sure it’s not all that complicated. I referenced my previous blog during the game which the ongoing game illustrated quite well. That said, it was a beautiful Chicago day and there’s nothing like day drinking in a relaxed atmosphere with a good friend.
In accordance with my lifestyle, after the first beer, needed some vitamin nicotine. There were “No smoking” signs everywhere, which was anticipated but figured I’d just go outside (which is stupid because we already were outside). As I reached the gate, just to be sure, I asked the friendly (<—sarcasm) ticket takers if I could smoke and come back inside. Nope. I sighed and commented that the rule was silly as you have an entire stadium filled with drunken people, to which the guy said, rather ridiculously, “Havent you ever been on a plane?”. What? Uh, yes. I used to travel often. But I’m either sleeping or half-asleep and refrain from drinking because I know I’ll want a cigarette. I’m pretty sure the Cubs people are making outrageous amounts of money on booze and if I’m going to pay the ass-raping prices, I would like to be able to smoke. But I digress…
At the seventh inning we made the executive decision that a bar would suit our drinking needs better so proceeded to one across the street. There, I greatly appreciated the glorious selection of delicious beverages and promtly ordered a Blue Moon to wash the taste of blowing a trucker (aka Bud Light (joke credit: Smoothlou)) out of my mouth. While I’m not a fan of Wrigleyville bars, this one had a rooftop deck that was great for a day such as this. Being half a pitcher of happiness and three beers in makes for random dancing and ridiculous pictures as evidenced here.
The douchebags were roaming freely at this bar and I even got to witness one special breed yell “Hey mama” at several chicks walking by. Jaley joined us after work and here, in brief summation, was the remainder of the evening (it was only 5:00 pm at this point):
Go back to my house; drunkenly do Jaleys makeup; sing “Just a Friend” on the red line; go to Bin; drink wine; walk to blue line; Jaley looks for her CTA pass for about 10 minutes; CC dances and sings to Michael Jackson while awaiting the train; stranger gives CC dirty looks; go to Double Door; assault photobooth; go to Crocodile; assault free pizza. End.
In conclusion, I had a rather marvelous time. I do believe that any future attentence of a Cubs game should be accompanied by someone that actually likes the sport. Part of the excitement I feel at Bears games is brought on by the collective enjoyment of the action and that piece was clearly missing from my Cubs experience. That and they lost 13-5.